A New Journey at My Age
It has been quite a while since my post and this particular post is not really about the heartsongs of a mother but the heartsongs of a somewhat past middle aged woman who is undertaking a new direction in her life and is a little scared.
The position I have held since January of this year has been as Administrator of a non-profit organization. To me it has been just a little more that a glorified secretary with a fancy title. The duties are extremely varied from accounting (which I am not proficient in), to a little of program evaluation, grantwriting, meetings, scheduling, yada yada yada. I love it and am very adaptable which is a must. We have a joke around the water cooler that everything is written in pencil - one with a BIG eraser. In the 4 years since I began I have relocated my office 5 times.
It is this latest relocation that is a real stretching for me. I was so happy and content in my office, nice desk, no office mate (at one time I had 5), nice new curtains, little cubbies with canvas boxes - I felt I was really coming up in the world. When I was told we were relocating yet again my first reaction was - "Tell me it isn't so - My curtains!" I immediately felt sorry for being so materialistic and selfish - I was told I could bring them with me "Great" I said only to find out I have no windows.
What I found (through a lot of internal heart searching) was not the office itself but the actual relocation from where my friends were to a place where I was not sure if I would be welcomed or not. Also I was going on this trip alone - No buddies with me. Sure my Boss was going to be there and some of the other "guys" from the programs but there was not going to be the female companionship that every working woman needs at times.
I was relocating from a pretty cool and upscale area of town to one of the most poverty stricken areas of the STATE - not the city but the STATE. There is a life style and a mental attitude that is foreign to me. There is an atmosphere of oppression that is tangible.
There was a time when I have to admit I had an aversion to the place. (In fact I was offered a position there about a year ago and I declined - Who says God does not have a sense of humor). I will get to feel first hand what it feel like to be the minority and the new kid on the block - a block that is, for the most part, not wanting any new visitors, especially ones that have not been around very much.
All of these conflicting emotions have been running rampant in my mind for the past couple of weeks. I moved into my new office last Wednesday and had three days there. I have to admit that I know God is definitely working on me and hopefully in and through me. There is still a little fear and timidity when I walk into the building but I know that there is a particular purpose beyond obedience to my superior for my presence there. There is such a mix of attitudes and emotions. I feel God slowly replacing the feelings of dread and fear with expectation and anticipation.
One thing I have learned is there are no such things as accidents or coincidences. His purpose is so much bigger than mine and I will be the recipient of a mighty lesson I am sure.
I am definitely in the trunk on this one because I am not about to drive on this journey, as I do not even have a clue which direction I am going in. I have a feeling that I may be the one who will be blessed in this trip instead of the one who is so caught up in being the blessing to others. I will send psotcards from the trunk (or the edge whichever comes first).
The position I have held since January of this year has been as Administrator of a non-profit organization. To me it has been just a little more that a glorified secretary with a fancy title. The duties are extremely varied from accounting (which I am not proficient in), to a little of program evaluation, grantwriting, meetings, scheduling, yada yada yada. I love it and am very adaptable which is a must. We have a joke around the water cooler that everything is written in pencil - one with a BIG eraser. In the 4 years since I began I have relocated my office 5 times.
It is this latest relocation that is a real stretching for me. I was so happy and content in my office, nice desk, no office mate (at one time I had 5), nice new curtains, little cubbies with canvas boxes - I felt I was really coming up in the world. When I was told we were relocating yet again my first reaction was - "Tell me it isn't so - My curtains!" I immediately felt sorry for being so materialistic and selfish - I was told I could bring them with me "Great" I said only to find out I have no windows.
What I found (through a lot of internal heart searching) was not the office itself but the actual relocation from where my friends were to a place where I was not sure if I would be welcomed or not. Also I was going on this trip alone - No buddies with me. Sure my Boss was going to be there and some of the other "guys" from the programs but there was not going to be the female companionship that every working woman needs at times.
I was relocating from a pretty cool and upscale area of town to one of the most poverty stricken areas of the STATE - not the city but the STATE. There is a life style and a mental attitude that is foreign to me. There is an atmosphere of oppression that is tangible.
There was a time when I have to admit I had an aversion to the place. (In fact I was offered a position there about a year ago and I declined - Who says God does not have a sense of humor). I will get to feel first hand what it feel like to be the minority and the new kid on the block - a block that is, for the most part, not wanting any new visitors, especially ones that have not been around very much.
All of these conflicting emotions have been running rampant in my mind for the past couple of weeks. I moved into my new office last Wednesday and had three days there. I have to admit that I know God is definitely working on me and hopefully in and through me. There is still a little fear and timidity when I walk into the building but I know that there is a particular purpose beyond obedience to my superior for my presence there. There is such a mix of attitudes and emotions. I feel God slowly replacing the feelings of dread and fear with expectation and anticipation.
One thing I have learned is there are no such things as accidents or coincidences. His purpose is so much bigger than mine and I will be the recipient of a mighty lesson I am sure.
I am definitely in the trunk on this one because I am not about to drive on this journey, as I do not even have a clue which direction I am going in. I have a feeling that I may be the one who will be blessed in this trip instead of the one who is so caught up in being the blessing to others. I will send psotcards from the trunk (or the edge whichever comes first).
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