Staying Afloat

I know it has been quite a while since I last blogged. I have been on such a learning curve lately that I feel as though I am skipping grades one minute and then the next miniute I realize that I need to be in remedial classes. I can not say that there has been a drastic change in my life that erases what had me in the funk I was in. I will say that I have prayed like I have never prayed before. I prayed BOLDLY - which if you know me at all you know there is not too much about me that is bold.
I KNOW in my heart and with every fiber of my being that I am not where God plans on using me in HIS projects to work in my giftings. I am where I am for a reason, for sure but it is not the ultimate place where God is going to use me. Maybe a testing period, maybe a stretching period, maybe even just a period of holding the spot for that other person HE will place where I am - I am just keeping their seat warm. All I know is that HE is going to move me to a new place and it will be all about him.
I know that the gift of compassion He has given me will be utilized in ways I have never thought of - ways that will bring HIM the glory. The gift of empathy He has blessed me with will come into play in my life and what God wants me to do.
I have a sense of impending change, I think HE has picked up the rope of the life ring that was tossed my way and He is slowly pulling me ashore.
I do want to thank my friends who have been in this with me in their prayers. You know who you are. I am so blessed to have friends who will pray for me - friends who sense things are rough and do not call because they know I will cry but just silently pray for me. The friends who do call and let me unload and vent and do not minimize but validate me. The friends who are bold in their prayers and who can see the whole picture. Friends who will tell me what I need to hear not what I want to hear. I thank you and honor you. I cherish your friendship.
I can see the shoreline on the horizon. I am just hanging on and STAYING AFLOAT.
See ya on land
em

Sink or Swim

I have really been in a precarious place lately. Have you ever been at a place in your life where you feel like you are in a pool of water? You are drowning and there are people all around. They are standing at the edge of the pool all talking and having a wonderful time. You are drowning and they are having a wonderful time.
I do not make a big loud scene or splash a lot. (sometimes I know I take operating in obscurity to the extreme but that is me). I keep waiting for someone to throw me a life ring. No one does. I just keep struggling to stay afloat - I succeed but just barely. Sometimes I go under but I eventually struggle back to the top.
I finally get enough courage to call out and ask for help. Someone turns around and sees me. Instead of the life ring in his hands he throws me a verbal life ring. Lot of good that does a drowning person - I need something to hold on to, I need something to support me, however I reach for the words and they just slip through my fingers. I know they mean well but I know my limitations and I can not swim. Some people do not realize that not everyone can swim - some of us are scared of the water, do not like water, never learned how to swim. Whatever the reason it is not a character flaw it is just the reality of the moment.The "You can do it "statements and the "You are doing a good job, just hang in there" only make matters worse. Besides drowning you begin to feel you are letting others down by your inability to swim.
Finally someone throws me a life ring. All is good with the world or so they think. Maybe just to get rid of it in their hands or just to quiet the waters. But the life ring has a rope so someone can pull from the safe ground. As I wait for someone to pick it up it slowly sinks to the bottom of the pool. They do not hear the hissing coming from the help ring - it has a hole in it. It is slowly losing its air - its ability to help. Pretty soon I will be just where I was before.
Great - My life ring has a hole in it and the rope is at the bottom of the pool. What do I do now?
God has a way of bringing back to us things that we may have told other people. As I was reading yesterday morning - October 13- Oswald Chambers was writing about discouragement and personal growth. (I have begun reading the Bible from the beginning again. I had just started on Exodus.) Then Oswald is talking about Moses. I figured I may just find a nugget from the only Lifesaver I can really count on - and there it was. "If you are going through a time of discouragement there is a time of great personal growth ahead."He went on to discuss how Moses went through a time of discouragement and spent 40 years in the dessert. I pray I do not have to wait 40 years (I would probably be the oldest person in my workplace) but out of that discouragement something great was orchestratede. If Moses waited for 40 years I guess I can hold on a little longer. I have grabbed hold of that life ring and I will stay afloat. I will continue to tread water. He will plug the hole, or take the rope and pull me to higher ground, or give the rope to someone He chooses. He will change my situation or change me or hey maybe both.
I have no airtank in my trunk so I guess I will have to stay out on this one.
em

It Doesn't Get any Better!!!

Today is Monday and we have been visiting our son and grandchildren since Saturday. (wife out of town - I am sure he could have handled it just fine but it was a great excuse to come)What a treat. At the moment granddaughter #1 is eating her second GLASS of organic frosted flakes and milk. Not a bowl but a glass. She was in her pretty pink princess dress but did not want to get it dirty so it is on the floor beside the table. Granddaughter #2 is sacked out on the floor.
We rode bikes to the park this morning - well not really rode. Pops rode the bike with the little trailer thing that J (#2) rode in and I rode a bike and AM (#1) rode her bike. It has training wheels that would work themselves loose and cause her to have to ride lopsided and eventually fall. So we would periodically stop and tighten the nut and proceed. It was real slow going because her parents have taught her that you have to stop at every corner incase a car is coming. Very wise parents. No complaining here. AM brings this to a new level. She begins to slow down as soon as the corner comes into sight -usually pretty soon after we have just got going from the last corner. The comlete stop usually occurs about 100-150 yards from the corner. No Problem - I have nowhere to go. Very cautions littl angel.
The best part was riding behind her and just watching. She is 3.5 years old and truly lives in her own little world. She was all dressed up in her pretty little skirt, cute somewhat matching shirt and her PINK zip up the side Cowgirl boots riding on her pretty pink Barbie Princess bike with the iriscident tassles on the handle bars. The whole time we rode she sang and sang and looked all around and just had a good old time. Just a happy little girl out for a bike ride enjoying the scenery. From behing all I could see was that little head shaking back and forth and tilting backward as she belted out her song which had no verse or chorus. I believe it was a song describibg everything she was seeing at the moment. Oh to be so happy and uninhibited.
To be a grandparent is one of the most awesome blessings that could happen. (I wish my parents woud have realized that while they were still here.) I have memories of my childhood with the grandparents that were alive but nothing that screams LOVE of FUN.I hope my grandchildren remember me differently. I want to have fun and show unconditional love to them. I want them to feel that the world is theirs for the taking. I have faith in my son and his wife to raise their children with good values and morals, good work ethics and all of the things necessary to lead GOOD lives, good for themselves and for others. His job is to raise them not mine. I know I am fortunate to be in this position and I thank God that I do not have the responsibility of raising my Grandchildren but if ever the day would come that I would need to step up and do so I belive I would. I applaude those of you that have had to come to the rescue of your grandchildren for one reason or another. What a blessing that is in itself. Blessings come in all different sizes, shapes and at different times. My husband and I just bask in the greatest blessings there could ever be.
Lets hear it from all you grandparents out there.