The Changed Times

Yesterday was such a treat for me. My daughter-in-law, (who is six months pregnant and living with us) and I went BABY shopping. Actually we went to get her registered at Babys R Us and Target. What a trip.
I can remember the days way back when, when the biggest decisions was Breast or Bottle. There was not a whole lot of other things that need to be decided. Now we have to decide disposable or cloth. First, I am not sure if one could find cloth diapers today if they wanted to use cloth. Not too sure why anyone would want to but there may be some of the more environmentally minded people who would like to go through the experience of cloth diapers.
It really brought back to mind the days almost 32 years ago when I had my first child. Disposable diapers were not really big then. We even had diaper services back then. This was a service that would come to your house and pick up the dirty cloth diapers and leave you clean ones on a schedule. All you had to do was find a place where you could store a bunch of stinky smelly soiled diapers for about a week that would not be offensive to anyone residing within a two mile radius of your home. I actually looked into that service but never did treat myself to it due to monetary constraints.
The days of taking that dirty diaper to the toilet and rinsing it our before you put it in the diaper pail is something I think every set of new parents needs to experience. That in itself was an art to be mastered. You had to hold the diaper just right so that what was deposited into the diaper fell into the toilet bowl and not on the floor beside the bowl, you had to make sure your grip was strong enough as not to let the whole diaper fall into the toilet but most important you had to make sure that when you hit the flush handle you did not see you tail end of the diaper disappearing down the hole. Once the diaper was properly rinsed there was always the step of wringing the diaper out so as not to have the dripping wet diaper in the diaper pail. Which brings me to another difference.
Diaper pails. I can still remember my pale green plastic little pail with the white lid, that never fit tightly. This little lid had a little protrusion at the top that was for some little solid air freshener discs that one would insert so as to keep the putrid smell from getting too bad. Really makes me wonder - The diaper pail was usually in the baby's room - putrid urine and feces smell intermingled with fresh pine smell - Who needs lamp berges?
Who else out there has stories to tell about the advances in Babyology. Might be pretty interesting. Please comment and let the world know.

Truly a Matter of The Heart

O.K. I will try this again. I was well on my way with this one and the Electricity went off. Lets see- Where was I. O.K. I have to start over.
Last week I was in a really ugly place - I was in a funk and I was truly enjoying where I was. I had let someone else's opinion and world view really get to me. I gave that world view the power to tick me off and was marinating in ugly for a couple of days. (I apologize to my husband and family and co-workers for being such a SHREW.)
Anyway Thursday was our monthly staff meeting. I work in a place that is all about Jesus and our staff meetings are such a treat. This one was a special treat to me because it was just what I needed to hear and the only one that knew was God Himself.
One of the topics - the main topic- was about how things get all distorted and out of shape when our heart does not match our words. I know that when someone offends me (and a lot of times they are totally unaware of the offense) I will take it as a personal challenge and make a crusade out of letting them know how what they did or what they said affected me. I play every possible scenario over in my head.(You would think that after 53 years of doing this and never once does the scenario I practiced ever come to the stage I would learn, I am in the crock-pot in more than one subject.) Anyway I was beginning to think that I should take some time and write a letter to this individual and explain where they were so wrong yada yada yada. Then Pastor said that sometimes instead of trying to set someone straight to the betterment of the relationship the only one we need to set straight is ourselves and our heart. A lot of times the things we need to GET OFF OF OUR CHEST are the things that we need to keep in our chest until we have cleaned the ugly marinade off of them.
How can I expect someone to accept me as I am if I am not willing to accept them as they are? How can I expect others to love the people I love if I will not entertain the possibility of loving the people they love? How can I expect others to tolerate people important to me if I will not tolerate people important to them?
That truly made a lot of sense to me. I know that not everyone shares what I think is important, Not everyone shares my world view. I do know that I love my family very much and I do not share their world view on everything but that does not make me love them any less. So if my heart and my words are to truly match I need to work on my heart not on theirs. The best place to begin working on my heart is in those places that I feel I am justified in my opinion. A lot of times I get out of the trunk just long enough to realize I am not done yet - I need a little (sometimes a lot) longer in the marinade but I need to make sure the marinade is the right one.
em

Truly a Matter of The Heart

Just like Yesterday

I can still remember this day five years ago as if it were yesterday. I was getting ready for work and passed by the television set just in time to see the first plane slam into the World Trade Center on Good Morning America. I had just recently realized how close New York was to Washington D.C. (My daughter had just moved to D.C. three months before and was telling me how close New York was and how wonderful it would be to take a 3-4 hour trip and be in New York City) At first I thought what a tragic accident. Then as I stood there I saw the coverage as the second plane went into the second tower. This was definitely no accident. Then the news broadcast a statement that they were tracking a plane heading up the Potomac. I knew that was going towards D.C. Then the Pentagon was mentioned. All of this was too close to home. My daughter worked in D.C. not too far from the White house and lived in Arlington not too far from the Pentagon.
The fear and protective instinct of a mom went into overdrive. I was ready to call my daughter and tell her to get in her car and come home. She was too far away, and should have never moved to D.C. It was only an 18 hour drive. The thought of her being in that situation with no family was truly devastating to me and I have since learned for her as well. I even toyed with the idea of going up there to bring her home. (Those who know her would laugh. Yea right you are going to make her do something she does not want to do).She is my daughter no matter how old she was and I wanted her home with us. That was a terrible time for me - Not to be able to be there to hug her and try and comfort her. To know she was scared and there was no one there to be with her. (she had not had time to make any real friends yet)
It reminded me of the time my oldest son was going off to college for the first time (one and one half hours away) A hurricane was headed our way and going right to where he was. I would call and say "Come home" - call back and say "No stay where you are. You are safer not on the roads". - call back and say - "Come home" Talk about a Looney Tune! (like the old comic episode -Take him out, Leave him in, Take him out) Anyway, I just tried not to think about it and low and behold the hurricane turned and missed him. Thank you Jesus! It came and got us just as he was walking in the back door. We get a laugh out of this quite a lot. We had no electricity water, etc for a couple of days. No electricity in our part of the country in late august is not fun or comfortable.
I was glued to the television set for hours and hours. The nation was in a state of shock. I remember going to a church service at noon a couple of days later and weeping as I stood and felt the pain and anguish of the family members who lost loved ones in a split second. They lost loved ones as they were going about their every day lives, going to work, dropping of children, going to the bank. Just the ordinary things that they do every day - normal everyday things.
I was especially moved and angry because it was at this particular time that I was once again traveling on a road I did not want to be on. One of my children was heavily involved with drugs and was spiraling way out of control. I was so angry at him - How could he do this? Here were thousands of innocent people going about their everyday life and they were taken away from their families and loved ones. They never had a chance. Here he was having every chance imaginable and he was throwing them away. I remember being in the back of that catholic church and crying uncontrollably at the pain and heartache I felt and how at times feeling it should have been him. Then I would feel selfish for crying for myself at this time when so many families were in a state of shock and unbelief and pain. My loved one was still alive.
They say hindsight is always best and today I know that things happened as they did for a reason. I may never know the reason why my child who was not living a "good" life was allowed to live and those who were living "good" lives were taken in 9-11. I do know that everything that happens is all part of the bigger picture which in my tiny human brain I will never see or comprehend.
I do pray for the families of all of the victims of this event. I pray that today as they relive the events of that day 5 years ago that the pain in their heart is not as piercing, the tears are not as plentiful and there is a peace in their spirit that surpasses all human understanding. When that happens we know that we have opened our heart to let God in. He has always been there, knocking, we just have to open the door.
I thank God for my family - every single one of them. I pray I will be a good steward of the relationships He has blessed me with. I hope and pray that my family and friends know beyond a shadow of a doubt how important they are to me and how much I treasure them.
em

To Be or Not To Be Blessed!

I know that we are told that God blesses us to be a blessing to others. Well that is great and I have always believed that. Here recently I have studied that a little further and came up with the surprising fact that if God is blessing me to be a blessing to other people then He is also blessing other people to be a blessing to other people and sometimes I may the one on the receiving end. (It may not be that surprising to others but humor me a little.)
There have been so many times in my life that I got so caught up in being a blessing that I was blind to the fact that it was actually I that was being blessed. When I was blessed to go to Africa, I was so caught up in what I could bring to these children in the Care Points and the poor little orphans that I almost missed the blessing that was right there for me. The pure and utter joy and thankfulness of the people who by my standards had nothing to be thankful for were weeping at our thoughtfulness at giving them a tube of toothpaste or a jar of vaseline. When they prayed or sang about Jesus and the Father there was pure unadulterated joy that it was hard to miss. I almost did.
The ladies that are all volunteers at my place of work. They have no jobs and are very poor yet they show up every day and volunteer to clean, answer phones, do whatever needs to be done just to feel they belong and they are a part of something. That blesses me every day I walk into the building. I am not the one there to dish out the blessings - I am on the receiving end.
When a mom tells me that something I said to her really blessed her in dealing with a child going astray I sometimes forget that that in itself is an answer to my prayers. I prayed that The storm I was going through would be put to good use and not be a waste. I could not fathom a God that would allow me to go through such a tough storm just to forget it once it was over. So I am truly blessed when I know that my pain was not in vain and someone else benefits from it.
Currently there are a lot of people that are telling me what a blessing I am to my daughter-in-law. She is living with us and is 5 months pregnant. She is lucky to have us . That is when I realized that I am so blessed and do not even realize it. I beg to differ with them - I am the one being blessed, every morning when I get up and go to the coffee pot. God has blessed us with a home that has enough room for her, a heart that could not bear to have her by herself and a joy at being able to bless someone else.
I truly believe that my children and grandchildren are my greatest blessing in my life. (That includes the in-laws as well as the out-laws). To know that in some little way I may have an impact on their lives is an awesome thing. I know there are some impacts that are a little more negative than positive but Hey if they learn something from it it was good. The blessings I have received from them far outweighs anything I could have ever imagined on my own. You love your children with all your heart and think you could never love another person that much then God blesses you with grandchildren - there is nothing like it in the whole world.
So the next time an opportunity comes my way and I get all prideful and big headed about how I am going to be such a blessing to someone else I pray the Holy Spirit stops me in my tracks. I never want to say I never realized what I had until it was gone. That would be a waste. And I never want to deny another person the opportunity to BE a blessing - No matter what we think we all need to be blessed sometimes.
So Blessings from the Trunk, em.

On Tuesday, September 5, 2006 our family was notified that the family name will continue for at least one more generation. My husband is an only son as was his father and his father's father. We have two sons and two granddaughters presently. In January the third grandchild will be born and if the sonogram is correct this one is definitely a boy.
I must say that I was hoping for another little girl - this one would have had dark curly hair with blue eyes. Do not ask me where this was going to come from but I could see it so clearly. Our two granddaughters are so much fun and such little hoots - the thought of one more little girl was so appealing. Now the thought of a little boy is really growing on me - not to mention growing in my daughter-in-law. I must say that this is a true experience because our daughter-in-law is currently living with us (my son is living elsewhere - long story maybe for another time and another blog). My only daughter lives VERY far away and if I believe her she will never have children so I guess this is the closest I will get to sharing a pregnancy with a daughter (albeit it is an in-law). My other daughter in law is also geographically removed so the day to day experience was not there.
To see the steady growth of her belly and then to actually see the video of the sonogram was unbelievable. At only a little over one pound to see actual hands and feet and other body parts - WOW. Amazing.
I am thankful that we have been blessed to be able to provide a place for my daughter-in-law to be able to live and not have to worry about rent, being by herself etc. My heart goes out to her mother who is geographically removed from her daughter during this time. I guess if my daughter ever gets pregnant I will have to move if she would tell me where she is. (LOL)
Then I remember when I was pregnant. I lived about two and a half hours from my family. That was a long distance for way back then. I went through the pregnancy just fine, a little lonely but fine. It is always a little daunting to try and figure things out when you are in the midst of going through them. I think I must be rambling so I will sign off before I ramble too far.I think I will just enjoy the ride from the passenger seat on this one. I most certainly do not want to be in the trunk and miss out on this adventure.

A New Journey at My Age

It has been quite a while since my post and this particular post is not really about the heartsongs of a mother but the heartsongs of a somewhat past middle aged woman who is undertaking a new direction in her life and is a little scared.
The position I have held since January of this year has been as Administrator of a non-profit organization. To me it has been just a little more that a glorified secretary with a fancy title. The duties are extremely varied from accounting (which I am not proficient in), to a little of program evaluation, grantwriting, meetings, scheduling, yada yada yada. I love it and am very adaptable which is a must. We have a joke around the water cooler that everything is written in pencil - one with a BIG eraser. In the 4 years since I began I have relocated my office 5 times.
It is this latest relocation that is a real stretching for me. I was so happy and content in my office, nice desk, no office mate (at one time I had 5), nice new curtains, little cubbies with canvas boxes - I felt I was really coming up in the world. When I was told we were relocating yet again my first reaction was - "Tell me it isn't so - My curtains!" I immediately felt sorry for being so materialistic and selfish - I was told I could bring them with me "Great" I said only to find out I have no windows.
What I found (through a lot of internal heart searching) was not the office itself but the actual relocation from where my friends were to a place where I was not sure if I would be welcomed or not. Also I was going on this trip alone - No buddies with me. Sure my Boss was going to be there and some of the other "guys" from the programs but there was not going to be the female companionship that every working woman needs at times.
I was relocating from a pretty cool and upscale area of town to one of the most poverty stricken areas of the STATE - not the city but the STATE. There is a life style and a mental attitude that is foreign to me. There is an atmosphere of oppression that is tangible.
There was a time when I have to admit I had an aversion to the place. (In fact I was offered a position there about a year ago and I declined - Who says God does not have a sense of humor). I will get to feel first hand what it feel like to be the minority and the new kid on the block - a block that is, for the most part, not wanting any new visitors, especially ones that have not been around very much.
All of these conflicting emotions have been running rampant in my mind for the past couple of weeks. I moved into my new office last Wednesday and had three days there. I have to admit that I know God is definitely working on me and hopefully in and through me. There is still a little fear and timidity when I walk into the building but I know that there is a particular purpose beyond obedience to my superior for my presence there. There is such a mix of attitudes and emotions. I feel God slowly replacing the feelings of dread and fear with expectation and anticipation.
One thing I have learned is there are no such things as accidents or coincidences. His purpose is so much bigger than mine and I will be the recipient of a mighty lesson I am sure.
I am definitely in the trunk on this one because I am not about to drive on this journey, as I do not even have a clue which direction I am going in. I have a feeling that I may be the one who will be blessed in this trip instead of the one who is so caught up in being the blessing to others. I will send psotcards from the trunk (or the edge whichever comes first).